Karl v Groucho. I know who I’d rather have dinner with.
Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. It is the opium of the people.
Karl Marx
It isn’t necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Groucho Marx
Art is always and everywhere the secret confession, and at the same time the immortal movement of its time.
Karl Marx
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
Groucho Marx
The last capitalist we hang shall be the one who sold us the rope.
Karl Marx
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Groucho Marx
Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form.
Karl Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and repress them.
Karl Marx
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
Groucho Marx
Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex.
Karl Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx
The tradition of all the dead generations weighs like a nightmare on the brain of the living.
Karl Marx
Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?
Groucho Marx
History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce.
Karl Marx
Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx
Experience praises the most happy the one who made the most people happy.
Karl Marx
I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I’d rather dance with the cows until you come home.
Groucho Marx
Time is everything, man is nothing: he is at the most time’s carcass.
Karl Marx
Bury me next to a straight man.
Groucho Marx
On a level plain, simple mounds look like hills; and the insipid flatness of our present bourgeoisie is to be measured by the altitude of its great intellects.
Karl Marx
I’d horsewhip you if I had a horse.
Groucho Marx
The history of all previous societies has been the history of class struggles.
Karl Marx
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one’s fellow man.
Groucho Marx
Workers of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your chains.
Karl Marx
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.
Groucho Marx
The writer must earn money in order to be able to live and to write, but he must by no means live and write for the purpose of making money.
Karl Marx
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx
Natural science will in time incorporate into itself the science of man, just as the science of man will incorporate into itself natural science: there will be one science.
Karl Marx
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Groucho Marx
Landlords, like all other men, love to reap where they never sowed.
Karl Marx
Go, and never darken my towels again.
Groucho Marx
The philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways. The point, however, is to change it.
Karl Marx
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.
Groucho Marx
Last words are for fools who haven’t said enough.
Karl Marx
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
